Hi everyone,
No worries Charley is doing great. Happily bouncing around these days with her latest obsession the My Little Ponies. Yes, a girl after my own heart. If only I hadn't thrown out my ginormous My Little Pony ranch from the early 80's:( Anyway she is doing well, this post is about our toy drive:)
I started the Charley's Angels Toy Drive a few years ago because I have never forgotten what it felt like to be in that PICU all those days. I have never forgotten how lonely it felt, how uncertain it was. You could literally see Charley's spirit being sucked out of her. Her smiles a little less, her excitement to see new people a little waning. It became not about what fun people were, but instead what were they going to do to her. Doctors and nurses would come to our room to see her telling me they wanted to come see what they had been told was "the cutest happiest baby in the hospital". I'm not making that up either they came from different departments just to get a smile from her and find out how she was. By the time we left they could still get smiles and excitement but she had a sideways glance about her first. I think we all suffered some Post Traumatic Stress, even Charley wasn't right at first when we got her home. It is a very traumatic experience to learn your beautiful perfect child might die, and then see everything they go through.
I remember entering our second week feeling like we were never going to go home again, and I know friends whose children have lived in the hospital, months at a time. The beauty of kids (and I almost feel a need in this way for adults hospitalized) is that if kids have stuff to do to pass the time they handle it all so much better. There were babies/children/teenagers who had no parents come visit them all day, some who never had a visitor at all and besides the nurses had nothing to look at or do to pass the time. It was incredibly heartbreaking.
One night in particular while Charley had her Cloud B Twilight Turtle projecting it's stars on the hospital ceiling, her leapfrog Violet dog playing her a lullaby and I was leaned over the edge of her metal crib stroking her head; it felt almost like we were home. I was always hypersensitive though to the child in the next room, who I hadn't seen a single person visit or hold all day except for the nurse. I asked the nurse when she came in if they had mobiles, or projecting turtles for the baby in the next room and was told there was a toy closet by the nurses station. I went in search of something for that poor baby and there was one mobile but it wasn't working. The baby went home the next day but it really upset me and I knew from that moment that collecting toys was going to be my first 'post-finding out my daughter had a rare and life threatening illness bucket list' item. Since then I've added a lot to that list, and hope to continue giving back to that hospital built 'just for them' as the commercial so eloquently says;)
I tell you these stories of my experiences because I already know that the people I choose and have chosen to surround myself with and therefore my family are givers. You are works of art, like me, constantly adding to and being molded in different ways. You are learners, you pay attention and truly know compassion. This little cause of our's is still in it's infancy so to speak. It's only been a few years but already it is growing. The toy lot is much bigger than last year, and bigger than the year before that. Charlotte eyes all of your goodies for her 'friends at the hospital' and it always floors me that being a toddler she does not cry or carry on to have the toys for herself. It's like she just gets it and granted the doll house and toy phone were tough to get past she just asked me to put them on her own Christmas list for Santa.
I hope you are proud of yourselves for whatever causes you take up. Maybe you can't do this one, I know I can't do nearly as much as I would LOVE to. The point is to have one, and if you don't I hope you'll get one, cough cough like our's ;) It really brings so much cheer to the kids to have a toy to play with, a mobile to look at, to take a half hour out of their day filled of tests and pokes to work from the craft cart. You are honestly making a difference in their experience and by helping them even a little you are also helping their parents. I've grown a million times over from this experience with Charlotte. I've gained an expansive (and sometimes detrimental) amount of personal, spiritual growth. I hope that all of you will take time out of your days to give back in whatever way you can. Not just over the holidays but everyday. I know that I am in good company in my life.
Thank you for all of the love, support, and counseling so many of you give me:) You are amazing friends, family and acquaintances!!
