April 13, 2011 #1

Hello again,

My mom came up last night and I was able to go to the Ronald McDonald house after a Bigby run for tea around midnight, and slept until 9:30 before waking up in a panic when I saw the time thinking I had missed a zillion phone calls from Mom, or the nurse. I was in shock when my phone was empty of call notifications and got up and out of there immediately because I didn't want to miss morning rounds. Mom said Charlotte slept all night too and was in WAY better spirits when I came in this morning. She is still not 100% and I'm still concerned by her lack of eating and small amount of drinking. I can't help but go over and over the things that maybe we missed just in case. It's a curse I tell you, however, it seems the kids never eat or drink good when hospitalized so I'll keep an eye on her over the next day or so and see how she does. Since getting home she's drank some milk and ate a tiny bit of Mrs. Grass soup. I hope her appetite gets better tomorrow.

She slept on the way home from the hospital and as I was talking to my mother in law I kept watching her in the rearview concerned about her color, and touching her hands to make sure they were warm. It is that same feeling I get everytime when in truth, I just want to get the hell out of there after the first night but when they finally do give us the "all clear" I am terrified of not having them to help me. When she woke up in the driveway she cheered "WE'RE HOME" so I know she is happy to be back.

I vacumned the house, cleaned the counters, folded blankets, gave her a bath and started the laundry within the first hour and a half since we were home so I know I am happy to be home too. Its weird the rituals we go through after being away only a short time, the first thing Charlotte wanted was Just Dance 2 on the Wii:) She of course was too exhausted to dance but she sat on the couch and watched the dancer and listened to the music. The next biggest excitement was her bath which she was really excited for but again was so exhausted she just whined and complained through most of it. She finally laid on the little couch with her blankies and watched Kipper until she fell asleep.

Jake came home and seemed happy to see us, he and I chatted about how things were and I begged for a hundred hugs from my guy. He is always the same each time we go through something with Charlotte, he acts totally unaffected and yet his behavior tells a completely different story. He gets more aggresive than usual, some good bear hugs reassured him I think and he seemed better after. Alaina is never very open with how she's feeling either and I know they had to be scared to death in the ED with me all day Sunday. I watched Alaina checking Charlotte's fingers and toes in the car on the way down and yet when we talked about it before they left she said she was fine. I went to pick her up from her drama club this evening thinking she'd be sooo excited to see me but she was just like "what's up mom" like it was any other day. Once I pulled in the driveway I think it hit her because she stopped, looked at me and said "is Charley home?" and when I said yes went running into the house. The only time I heard Charlotte laugh in three days was at her big sister/brother tonight.

The similarities during this stay compared to our first stay almost exactly two years ago are strange. As then Jason had just started his new job literally weeks before our two week stint in the ICU, and this time he started a new job on Monday. Along with that I noticed today that Spring happened while we were away. It was eerie feeling the Spring air today and coming home to buds on my trees and my flowers blooming outside. It felt EXACTLY the same as it did then. Regardless she is home now, safe in her own bed, with Mr. Turtle shining his bright stars on her ceiling (great gift Aunt Nancy:) and Violet the dog sang her to sleep. I really do appreciate all of your emails, texts, facebook comments, phone calls, and comments on these blogs. It may seem ridiculous but just knowing people are there listening (well reading) and caring really lifts my spirits everyday.

I had this wonderful conversation with the chaplain at the hospital I want to write about but it is one of my emotional rants so I will post it seperately for those interested in my rants. That way those of you who just want to know how Charlotte is can skip the second one:)

Goodnight everyone
-C-